Dishing Up Harmony:
Transforming the Restaurant
Workplace Through the Drama
and Creator/TED Triangles

Steve Weiss
Transformational Leadership Academy

The fast-paced, high-stress environment of the restaurant industry often leads to complex interpersonal dynamics among staff. Traditional conflict management strategies may not fully address these settings' underlying emotional and psychological triggers. However, innovative approaches such as the Drama Triangle and its positive counterpart, the TED (The Empowerment Dynamic) Triangle, provide powerful frameworks for understanding and transforming workplace relationships. This article explores these models, the process of recognizing and transitioning between them, and the tangible benefits they bring to the restaurant industry.

Understanding the Drama and TED Triangles

The Drama Triangle, developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman, illustrates a common dynamic in dysfunctional interactions involving three roles: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. Each role is reactive and perpetuates conflict and emotional turmoil.

Detailed Roles in the Drama Triangle

Victim: This role is characterized by helplessness, passivity, and blame deflection. Individuals in this role often feel or act as if they are at the mercy of circumstances or other people’s actions, leading to statements like, "There's nothing I can do," or "This always happens to me." For example, a server may blame the kitchen staff for slow service times, expressing frustration about receiving complaints from customers and feeling powerless to improve the situation.

Persecutor: Typically viewed as the antagonist, the Persecutor controls, blames, or criticizes others aggressively. This role often stems from a place of anger or frustration, manifesting in behaviors such as shouting, overt criticism, or enforcing overly strict rules. In one case, a head chef might routinely berate kitchen staff for minor mistakes, creating a tense atmosphere that lowers morale and productivity.

Rescuer: The Rescuer tries to solve problems for others, often without empowering them to solve their own problems. This role is driven by a need to be needed, leading to actions like intervening to smooth over conflicts or taking on others' responsibilities, which can prevent long-term growth and self-reliance. An example is a restaurant manager who steps in to handle every minor dispute between staff, preventing team members from developing their own conflict resolution skills.

Recognizing the Drama Triangle

Recognizing when you or someone else is in the Drama Triangle involves identifying behaviors and language indicative of the Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer roles. Victims may express helplessness or blame, Persecutors might criticize or dominate, and Rescuers seek to solve others' problems, often without empowerment.

Real-life examples: A chef (Persecutor) constantly criticizes a line cook (Victim), who feels unable to meet expectations. A sous chef (Rescuer) steps in to mediate conflicts without addressing the underlying issues, perpetuating the cycle.
Or: A bartender (Victim) constantly complains about the unfair allocation of shifts by the manager (Persecutor), and a senior bartender (Rescuer) often intervenes to adjust the schedule, without addressing the underlying scheduling policy issues.

Understanding FISBE in Victim Orientation

Before exploring how to transition to the TED Triangle, it is crucial to understand the FISBE (Focus, Inner State, Behavior) dynamics in the Victim orientation of the Drama Triangle:

Focus (Victim-oriented): Victims tend to focus on their limitations and the actions of others that affect them negatively. This focus on external circumstances and lack of control fuels feelings of powerlessness.

Inner State (Victim-oriented): The inner state is one of helplessness and resignation, often accompanied by frustration or sadness. Victims may feel overwhelmed by their circumstances, believing they have little to no power to change them.

Behavior (Victim-oriented): As a result of their focus and inner state, Victims exhibit behaviors that avoid responsibility and seek sympathy or rescue from others. They may complain frequently, avoid taking initiative, or passively wait for someone else to solve their problems.

Transitioning to the Creator Triangle (Or TED Triangle)

David Emerald's TED Triangle proposes a constructive alternative triangle, the TED triangle, also called the Creator Triangle. TED stands for "The Empowerment Dynamic." The Creator/TED Triangle replaces victim, persecutor and rescuer with three different roles: Creator, Challenger, and Coach. These roles foster proactive, positive, and solution-oriented behaviors. 

The Creator Triangle's Three Roles

Creator: Creators focus on envisioning goals and seeking solutions. They take ownership of their outcomes and engage with challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. A Creator asks, "What do I want?" and "How can I create this?" A sous chef, for example, tired of the blame game, might start a dialogue about how each team member can contribute ideas to improve kitchen efficiency and morale, demonstrating a shift from Victim to Creator.

Challenger: Challengers help others to see the learning opportunities in their struggles without rescuing or persecuting them. They pose questions and challenges that promote reflection and growth, saying things like, "What can you learn from this?" and "How might you handle this differently?" For example, a floor manager, instead of simply disciplining staff for mistakes, challenges them to come up with their own solutions to improve customer service, thus promoting growth and self-reflection.

Coach: The Coach offers guidance and support without taking over the problem. They facilitate others' growth by helping them explore solutions and develop skills to tackle their own challenges. Coaches use empowering questions such as, "What options do you see?" or "How might you approach this?" An example of this would be a senior server adopting a coaching approach with new staff, offering constructive feedback and encouragement rather than taking over their responsibilities, enabling them to learn and grow from their experiences. In fact, as a general approach o managing a team, implementing regular feedback sessions where everyone is encouraged to speak openly about challenges and successes can foster a shift toward the Creator/TED Triangle role.

Clarifying Creator-Oriented FISBE: Focus, Inner State, Behavior

Moving from the Drama to the Creator/TED Triangle involves shifting focus from problems to solutions, changing one's inner state from reactive to resourceful, and adopting behaviors that embody the Creator, Challenger, and Coach roles. This shift produces a different FISBE:

Focus (Creator-oriented): Creators concentrate on possibilities and their desired outcomes rather than obstacles. This positive focus helps maintain a motivated and optimistic mindset.

Inner State (Creator-oriented): A result of positive focus, the inner state in a creator orientation is characterized by empowerment, curiosity, and openness. Creators feel capable and are ready to engage with challenges constructively.

Behavior (Creator-oriented): Individuals who maintain a creator focus and a positive inner state are proactive and constructive. They take strategic actions toward their goals, engage in healthy problem-solving, and collaborate effectively with others.

Techniques to shift one's FISBE and move from the Drama Triangle to the Creator/TED Triangle

Reframing: Viewing challenges as opportunities. Instead of criticizing, the chef could challenge the cook to improve specific skills, setting clear expectations and offering support.

Empowerment: Encouraging individuals to take ownership of their experiences. The line cook could be encouraged to seek solutions and express needs assertively.

Supportive Coaching: Offering guidance that empowers rather than rescues. The sous chef could coach the line cook through feedback and skill development sessions.

Real-life example: Implementing regular feedback sessions where everyone is encouraged to speak openly about challenges and successes can foster a shift toward the TED Triangle roles.

Benefits and Implementation

Despite its novelty in the restaurant industry, adopting the TED Triangle and shifting from a victim to a creator orientation can profoundly strengthen teams. Benefits include improved communication, reduced conflict, increased job satisfaction, and higher customer service quality.

Conclusion

Transforming the psychological dynamics of a restaurant workplace through the Drama and TED Triangles and the detailed application of the FISBE model is not just innovative; it's necessary. By fostering an environment where every team member is seen as a creator, equipped to face challenges, and coached to find solutions, restaurants can achieve not just a happier workplace but also a more successful business model.